Pigsflew.com

Ok, so I had this random thought while working. I have done very little research in the area of health, chemistry, and diet foods (read: Absolutely none!) so all of my conclusions are subject to extremely small grains of salt. Anyone who knows the truth, I would love to know whether I’m right.

I was thinking about sugar. Now, simple sugars are arguably an aid on the path toward obesity if you eat too much of them. As far as I know, this is not because they’re bad for you, but because they’re so incredibly easy for the body to digest, your body will digest them first, before any comblex carbohydrates or fat. This means that complex carbohydrates that you are also consuming, instead of being used for energy, get turned into fat for storage and later consumption.

It stands to reason that “sweet” and “easily digestible” are not one in the same. It also stands to reason that anything digestible at all have some caloric content.

Therefore, if Aspartame (Nutrasweet/Equal), and Sucralose (Splenda) have no caloric content at all (but are actually significantly sweeter than sucrose [sugar]), then it must be because they are not digestible.

They aren’t food.

So here’s the idea I had. If you have a meal made up entirely of artificial taste-based substitutions of non-food items, such as sucralose/aspartame for sweetness–for instance, let’s say you construct a fake steak made out of something that has the same texture as meat but is non-digestible, and is flavored with the exact same flavors, except all spices used are similarly non-digestible–then you could have true diet food. A zero calorie meal.

If you eat a penny, it is not digestible (or at least not in that concentration [as far as I know]), therefore when it comes out the other side, it’ll be a very gross penny, but a penny still; and your body will have gained no energy from its consumption. The food in your zero calorie meal will be much the same. It will come out mangled, combined mush, but it’ll technically still be the same stuff as when you ate it, because no part of it could actually be broken down for energy.

Wait for it–it’s worth it.

The best part about all this is: assume you are stranded on an Island, or, say, in post-hurricane New Orleans, and a passing plane drops thousands of these meals on you.

You can eat, and eat, and eat. You’ll feel full. You’ll have a hell of a time crapping it out.

And you’ll die of starvation anyway.

Come back next time for a continuation of the story, and to maybe meet some of these characters, if I feel like actually using them!

The best bedtime stories usually start like this: Once upon a time, there was a girl named Willow.

There was, in fact, a girl named Willow. She was exceedingly beautiful, with long hair the color of tea at sunset, and skin as fair and soft as white down. Hers, the people of her native town of Serandon always said, was the greatest loyalty, honor, and most of all affection. She could be seen caring for others at all times, save when she was with her sister.

For Willow did have a twin sister, and her name was Pine.

Pine matched Willow’s beauty, save for her smile, because Pine’s smile was a crooked one, a grin that cut its way across her beautiful face in a fashion that was never ugly, but never quite winsome either. Of Pine it was said that she had the most devilish mind, that she was mischievous, manipulative, and often mean.

The two lived in Serandon until their twentieth year, during which was a great seige. The neighboring city or Rohranon had for many years been at ends with Serandon, until finally one hundred Rohranon Knights had marched on the walls of Serandon, and laid seige two months.

It was Pine convinced Willow to open the gate, to steal out to their tents and convince the soldiers to leave. Willow knew that if the men did not leave, a battle would come soon, and many of these men, and the men of Serandon, would die. But they would not budge, and upon learning that she had come from the walled city, they tied her into an open carriage and rolled toward the gate.

The archers were fast on guard, but saw Willow in the carriage and held their fire.

Soon the carriage was near the gate, and attatched to its side was revealed a battering ram. The gates of Serandon fell, but the City Guard held the gate. Serandon was victorious.

But the Duke was furious. He called upon Willow and Pine, and spoke to them in seething tones. They had lost forty of the City Guard’s number in the battle, over a conflict which could surely have been resolved peacefully.

He pronounced the punishment of Exile on both of them, and guards lead them to the Gate, where they were left alone to make their way to the next town.

To be continued…